There is an article in the Washington Post entitled The Death of a Pet can Hurt as Much as the Loss of a Relative that absolutely brought me to my knees. I have felt guilty for years that my little dog Smitty’s death clobbered me worse than the death of my father. It has been 20 years since that dog died and I still am not over it. I have lost other dogs and a cat since then. It still stands out as the absolute worst of the worst other than the loss of my mother. In that case, it might have tied. She, of all people, would understand that so I don’t feel guilty.
The article talks about why we feel pet loss so intensely and it is worth reading. Do it when you aren’t embarrassed to start tearing up. It is sort of a private read. Too little is done for people who lose pets. I try to send condolence cards to my friends and family when pets die. I don’t get to everyone but I try. As a society, we say we are sorry but we move on about our every day business. We don’t ask how that person is doing or probably even think that some of our friend go home to an empty house after the death of a pet. There was no funeral, no visitation. Just a long empty drive home, in some cases.
Stoney’s ashes sit on my desk. I bought a gray toy stuffed Schnauzer to sit on top of the urn. I am ok with his death. I poured thousands of dollars into his wellness and he and I both ran out of patience. It was time. Mr. Howler is a wonderful human being about pets and when it is time. He always goes and does the dirty deed. I know they are in good hands and I make a point of telling people that is one reason why I married him. I mean it as the highest of compliments because that is something very important to me. My son has inherited some of the dirty deed work and he has his father’s compassion. It kills him but he does it.
Where are the pet bereavement groups? Are there local groups? Are they face to face? Are they online? If pet death is as bad or worse than the death of family members, we as a society sure have come up lacking in that department. There seems to be a group for everything else. What happens to us when our pets cross over the rainbow bridge?
Your thoughts on a very sad topic? (I am happy to report my pets, to my knowledge, are in good health.)
I know the feeling and will say no more on this topic. It is too painful.
In memory of Duckbill, Rap, Gudrun, Gilbert, Leon, Emma, Nola, Molesworth, Molesworth’s Papa, Lilli, Mildred, Pepper, Chico, Little Al, Thing One and Thing Two, Spookie, Carsa, Duffy,: and for the future: Perlasaurus, Jack Rabbit, Meekie-moo, Mr. Pinky, Mimi, and OJ. Thanks Moon.
I can admit it now, but after dog Smitty died, I had this unconsolable empty feeling. I sneaked when no one would know and kept calling mental health hot lines. It was usually after coming home from to an empty house. No leaping and jumping and glad to see me stuff.
Its pretty bad when you are embarrassed to admit you are so wasted by the death of a pet. I didn’t find the hotlines to do jack, by the way. There was literally nothing out there for me.
If I had the training, I would start a group.
@BSinVA
That’s a lot of pets.
My one brother refuses to get another pet because their life span is so short. I think he means too short to deal with that much pain.
when my beloved Seth died, I grieved for years. He is buried under the dogwood on our property. It is only recently my heart stopped aching for him. He was mine, when he died, for half my life at the time. He was always loving, ever faithful. He would walk with me to the mailbox and I know he understood english!
Having to grant peace to three dogs in 12 years, I can relate. It gets harder to take each time. I think it’s because they are dependent on us to care for them for their entire lives, that it hits so hard. They are more akin to children than anything else.
@Steve
And often they can’t tell us what ails them. Smitty was epileptic. I think I killed him trying to control his seizures. Stoney was 16, senile, deaf, and couldn’t see too well either. That was easier to take. I wasn’t suicidal over that one. But you are right, it gets harder and harder to take.
In my house, we have had dogs that belonged more to one person than the other, if that makes sense. Everyone had his or her own personal relationship with the animal. I know the hardest for Mr. H to put down was Misty. Puffin (the meanest cat ever made–daughter of Satan) got splat in the middle of the road. She used to sit out and dare cars to hit her. Someone finally did. I HATED that cat. However, I had to sit there and listen to my 11 year old daughter weep and sing hymns to the cat out under my window. It definitely melted all the hatred. My husband and I were comatose with grief, just because our children were in such pain.
Duchess, a black and white border collie from the pound, lived with our family
from the time my son and daughter attended E.S. until they graduated from
college. Almost two decades after her death, we still tell “Dutchie” stories
at family gatherings. She was smart, loving, devoted and a great true
friend for all of us.
Fairly sure my children would have often placed her closer to them than
their parents.
Border Collies are fabulous. Misty was a border collie. We got her off a farm in Mt. Sidney, VA. Her parents were working dogs. We only live on a quarter acre. She didn’t have enough space or enough to do. She didn’t get enough exercise. Arthritis became her enemy. She was terrified of storms. I knew the day she hurt too bad to get up and go in her dog house during a storm that is was time.
Mr. H has never gotten over that. It still pains him having to put her down. It had to be though.
I had no idea a border collie would live that long. 2 decades. Wow. Have you read Nop’s Trials? Border Collie story. The author lives over past Staunton.
I had Dude, (a gray female cat) for my entire adult life when I put her to sleep when she was 21. I got her when I was 21 and she died when I was 42. It was so awful. I felt horrible putting her to sleep, but she was all skin and bones and was peeing all over the house for over a year. I made many trips to the vet to extend her life and paid vet bills of over a $1,000 on more than a few occasions. I think it’s for the peeing reasons and the money I was willing to hand over to keep her around that is making my husband say…no more pets for our family. Our furniture was also all scratched up because I don’t believe in de-clawing. We have a new home and nice furnishings and he doesn’t want to see all that shot to hell! I have her ashes in a decorative wooden box on my dresser with a picture of me holding her when she was healthy and about 15 years old. Still miss her and it still pains me when I think about my last moments with her, but I could not face coming home and finding her dead in the house and she was suffering.
This is not funny at all, but I know some people think it is…when I came home from school when I was in 7th or 8th grade, I was walking down the driveway and saw that my cat was dead with her head inside the garage and her body outside of the garage! She had been on top of the garage door when we left for school and when my Mom closed the garage door she tried to ride it out and got stuck and killed. OMG! I shrieked and ran to her and she was as stiff as a board. I went into the house screaming and crying. My sister was already home but hadn’t seen her. So there we were, both hysterical and crying and calling our Mom who was at work. She couldn’t even understand what we were saying and had to rush home to find out what the hell had happened. There is no good way for a pet to die and at this point, I think I’m going to be fine never having a pet again. I just can’t deal with the trauma of the deaths.
Twinad, that is the most horrible story I have ever heard, about your cat getting decapitated. Did you have nightmares for years?
Get a dog for Mr. T. He will love it. Then you will have a pet. So what if your furniture has a few scratches on it. Those are character scratches. Dogs don’t scratch up things like cats do anyway.
RIP Dude. Twinad, you did the best, most humane thing. We do treat our animals better than human beings.
Actually, I guess I didn’t describe the garage door death in enough detail…thank God, no decapitation! Her head was on the inside of the garage and her body was hanging over the top of the garage door and the body was stuck half in and half out of the garage. It was still awful, but I think you are right…had it been a decapitacion I may have been scarred for life and never even gotten Dude!
Mr. Twinad only wants a dog if it’s a large dog that has its own house with heat and a/c in the backyard!
That’s a place to start. re dog house in the backyard. He ought to be able set up a dog just fine in a Tammy Faye Bakker dog house. snicker.
Missing Max and 99, two of the sweetest Greyhounds ever.
I buried my friend of 12 years yesterday. I’m very very sad. His death has taught me one very important lesson especially as a father of children now that crawl.
Look to see what’s under your car.
It’s hard and I feel very sad and angry. Yesterday was not a good day.
Marinm, that’s awful. So sorry…
As one who buried a household friend last week, I’m sorry. Know that it will get better and that life is full of bad days. But the good days will out weigh the bad.