Archaic Virginia laws: Virginia is NOT for lovers

Only one or two centuries late, Virginia lawmakers have decided it is none of their business if unmarried couples share a roof. So the legislators are now working diligently to repeal the state’s law against “lewd and lascivious cohabitation.” Huzzahs all ’round for that.

But do not unclutch thy bodice yet. Virginia law is riddled with antiquated provisions meant to govern the “morals and decency” of the fair people of the commonwealth. And while the law against shacking up apparently never gets enforced, others do.

Just for starters: While it might soon be legal to live in sin, that doesn’t mean you can, by gad sir, fornicate. Fornication remains forbidden under the Code of Virginia, Section 18.2-344. So keep your hands and whatnot to yourself. Especially the whatnots.

And don’t even think of doing other stuff. Virginia’s “crimes against Nature” statute — Section 18.2-361 — still prohibits oral sex. Even between married straight couples. Moreover, state lawmakers seem particularly opposed to that practice — because in Virginia, it’s a felony. Efforts to repeal that provision or even to reduce oral sex to a misdemeanor have failed repeatedly.

Also, you’re not allowed to let anybody have sex in your car. Says so in black and white, right there in Section 18.2-349.

Then there’s adultery. Adultery is a violation of God’s commandments. But whether your affair should be the state’s affair as well is another question altogether. Virginia lawmakers think it should be — adultery here is a Class 4 misdemeanor. Nine years ago the town attorney in Luray was convicted of adultery and had to perform 20 hours of community service to expiate his sins.

Obscenity is technically illegal in Virginia, too. That means no dirty movies, dramas, plays or photographs. Or at least it might mean that, depending on what the meaning of “dirty” is. The law prohibits material whose “dominant” theme appeals to a “shameful or morbid” interest in sex and does so in a manner “substantially” exceeding “customary limits of candor.” The modifiers leave a lot of wiggle room — though maybe that depends on what kind of wiggling we’re talking about.

Advertising or promoting obscene works or performances is against the law, too. As are dirty books: In Virginia, “any citizen … may institute” judicial review of any book. If a court thinks the book is obscene, then “the court may issue a temporary restraining order against the sale or distribution” of the book. So anyone who wants to ban “Fifty Shades of Grey” has legal recourse to try.

What a hoot about the mayor of Luray.   While we might laugh and chuckle over all of these antiquated laws, I bet the mayor of Luray didn’t think it was so funny.  Adultery also isn’t necessarily what you think it might be.  If you are in the process of a divorce and it isn’t final, better watch the whatnots.

If an archaic law is on the books, it can still be used against you.  It is time for our lawmakers to remove these ridiculous laws from Virginia law and for Virginia to join the 21st century.    Some of our readers complain of the nanny state.  These laws are UBER nanny state on steroids.

It would be easy.  Hire some law students to go through the Code of Virginia, locate the offending laws, and bring them up collectively next session.  Zap the laws.  Mission accomplished.  Let’s do this so we can all go back to being law abiding citizens like we claim we are.